Hi! My name is Kayla.
I am pansexual but I’ve been married to an amazing man for almost a decade (2010). We live in the PNW, with our cat Dahlia.
I am huge nerd. My favorite nerdy things are: Star Trek, Harry Potter, Marvel, etc. I also REALLY love horror of all kinds.
I started this blog because I needed a place to put my thoughts. Oddly, it turned into a place where I could explore my sexuality. I didn’t expect to start a ‘sex’ blog, but I guess that is sort of what it became.
All of this has been so surreal. I didn’t find my sexuality until I got into a really bad car accident last year (2018). I flipped my car in Seattle, the car was totaled, but, surprisingly, I only walked away with a few scars and some driving PTSD (no biggy). Everyone kept telling me how lucky I was to be alive and I didn’t believe them until I later, unwisely, did my own research into the type of accident I was in.
How does a car accident have to do with finding my sexuality, you ask? I’ll tell you.
I had ALWAYS hated my body. No matter what diet I was on, no matter how many people told me ‘you have beautiful eyes’ (the cliche pretty fat girl compliment…not that I don’t enjoy people loving my eyes, they’re amazing), or no matter what clothes I was wearing, I felt disgusting. I was never good enough. Mind you, this way of thinking started when I was a pre-teen so you can only imagine the damage I did to my body up until a year ago.
I had been fairly sheltered until my junior year in high school. I had over protective parents and a family who thought talking about anything that wasn’t marriage or children was ‘unlady like’, especially things like therapy (even when I was molested by a family member, to which nobody believed me and told me it was just a bad dream…at 9 years old). I attended a real culty Christian school then went to a DIFFERENT Christian high school, before finally ending up in a public school for my junior and senior years.
I came out as bi/pan (much to my parents revulsion) in at the end of my junior year and immediately made my best friend, my girlfriend. We’re still friends to this day, which is pretty amazing. I then went on to (mostly) be in relationships with men. My first male ex was a jackass and when that blew up, ALL Hell broke loose within me.
I got on all the dating apps (did some stuff I regret), then I ended up matching with someone who then introduced me to the worst 8 months of my life. I was sexually, mentally, and physically abused for almost an entire year. I did things with him that I desperately want to forget, and he did things to me that I will have with me for the rest of my life. When I met my husband, he gave me the strength to leave my ex, and we’ve been together ever since.
The car accident gave me a new lust for life. I had survived, now I needed to LIVE. I suddenly stopped hating my body and blaming myself for the things that were done to me. Within the following 3 months, I had cleaned out my closet of my ‘skinny’ clothes and started shopping for sexy clothing that fit, so that I could (finally) show off my body. I also started looking into fulfilling different fantasies and kinks that I never thought I could do because of my body and my traumas.
Now, my relationships are 100% honest. I am real, I protect myself, and I love myself. Communication is the most important thing in life, and that is why I think this blog (and my now super vulgar social media haha) turned into what it is. Honesty. There are so many people out there in the world that do not talk about sex, or sexuality, because our old society told them it’s dirty, or wrong. That is just not fucking true.